I’ve never been the most confident person but I’m pretty good at putting on a confident face and holding my head high, when inside I feel like I’m shrinking and looking for the best place to hide.

That is exactly how I felt walking in on the first day of the London Book Fair. We had been warned before going that it was an overwhelming experience but rewarding when we push though.

I spent the whole of the first day on edge. Feeling small and like I stuck out at the same time. Everyone seemed so effortlessly confident and like they belonged. The imposter syndrome had well and truly set in.

We were told about how big and busy London Book Fair is. There were people everywhere and so many stands and seminars I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. We were told to wear comfortable shoes and dress smart because this was a professional event. Having never had to wear professional dress in any of my jobs, I felt like a child dressing up as an adult. Too young and naïve to fit in.

I left the first day feeling inadequate. I hadn’t spoken to anyone or gone to any seminars and had gotten lost more times than I could count. I was beginning to think that maybe this wasn’t the industry for me, I should maybe choose another path.

When I walked in on my second day, I was still feeling pretty dejected. That was until I sat down at my first seminar. Everyone was buzzing with excitement, smiling and friendly, chatting with their neighbour like old friends even though they just met. When the panel started, I suddenly felt calm.

For the first time, I was a small part of a crowd all with one common goal: to learn more about an industry we love. Slowly the imposter syndrome started to slip away with the more I was learning. No one was questioning if I should be there, and I wasn’t questioning myself either.

After my first seminar, I felt like I was looking onto the fair with new eyes. I wandered around the stalls, learning about publishing houses and companies I had never even heard of. The seminars were constantly teaching me new things and showing me new perspectives on topics I already thought I knew a lot about.  I heard about the censoring of children’s literature and embracing inclusivity and diversity in publishing. The longer I spent at the fair, the more it felt like one big team working alongside each other with a shared love and enthusiasm.

Although the London Book Fair is very much an industry event and students should not go in with an expectation to talk to professionals and go job hunting, it encapsulates what the industry looks like and what topics and issues are relevant in the industry today.

While it was a slightly bumpy road to go down, I left the London Book Fair with a newfound love for the industry and excitement about finding my place within it.

Photo credit: Natalie Ellis